overwhelmed

I ended up crying for almost half an hour. Hell, I haven't any idea when was it I last had such a cry. Guess all the past and present emotions gathered all poured out at once tonight. I'm still weeping a little now as I type. Am trying to cool myself down.

I was so bored! So mad! So frustrated! I don't even know what word to use. My parents insisted that I went along with my Dad to his friend's new place for housewarming. I really didn't want to, but they kept insisting. Damn! My mum wants me to go yet she didn't want to follow along to keep me company. So in the end I ended up there alone sitting in one lonely little corner for hours. All by myself while my dad was sitting somewhere else chatting happily away with all those uncle and aunties about topics not of my interest. I don't even know 99% of the people around and vice versa. They don't talk to me and vice versa. What's worse was that there wasn't much nice shows on TV. Stupid Korean love drama which ain't my cup of tea. Imagine sitting there for hours doing nothing when in fact you could have been home reading a book or something. Argh!!!!

Next time I don't wanna be seen at such "parties" again if I'm just gonna be ending up alone all over again. *sobs*

Even though I'm consider lucky to have an okay family, deep down I really hate my family though I never really express this out to anyone. Sometimes I really hate how my dad only has golf in his eyes and pays no attention to his children, wife and family. Money can never buy happiness. I may seem cheerful, happy, crazy and silly at times like some clown, in fact I am not what you think I am. I am a complete opposite. I shun away from contacting friends. I do not want to put on the act of being happy 24/7. I'm tired. I just wanna be alone even though I really know how bad such loneliness can get to you. It will be nice sitting by the coast or beach watching the sun set as wind blow across your face, hearing the splashing waves. That would be comforting now.