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November thoughts

I realised that it's finally autumn as I caught a glimpse of the first tree turning orange this morning. It's been 3 monthish since I've moved. My old neighbourhood is always surrounded by bountiful greenery as compared to my current address. Journey to work via the underground (in new area) does not allow me the privilege of any scenery. Then the remaining journey to the office offers no help to any greenery either. No wonder it didn't dawn upon me that autumn is already knocking on my door. It's been rather cold this October, at least I won't be around this cold X'mas. Can't wait to be back home to chill in the hot Summer.

It's amazing how fast time flies and barely 6 weeks more I'm to fly home again to be reunited with family and friends. I'm looking forward to the day but I can't say I'm prepared to yet. There're still so much to sort out back in the UK - work, "freelance", financial suitation and pressies to buy! Packing too! I feel so messy and disorganised. Sigh. There's just not enough time for me to idle and laze about!

my equation

I guess it's been quite a while yeah? A lot has happened, I'm still the same old same old. A girl waiting for her prince in the fancy little world of her own. I seriously do not know what's wrong with me! Why am I so protective of myself - on one hand closing up and not wanting to get hurt and yet on the other hand getting my heart broken by all the wrong choices of men. I seriously do not understand myself. Even though I've told myself not to run away, and there I go sprinting off. I'm really tired and it really has taken a toll on life and work which is no good at all. Totally not a good sign. But I do not know how to stop this and get myself out of it. I've sunk so deep in that it's become part of me. To be living without it is like losing a part of me. Sigh. Terrible. If possible I wanna take a time off and go blading by the coast back home again; sitting by the beach and have all the time in the world to think about things and myself. But would I really have such a time? I'm always busy running about like a mad woman.

I tried but I failed. I do not know how to communitcate. I seriously have to forget about POF totally. Would a guy not want to be in contact with a girl he could grow to fancy and know? My equation for knowing if the guy can be someone potential may have been proven wrongly here then.

POTENTIAL GUY = HAPPY + COMFORTABLE (when together with)

That's my equation. I must say I just realised there's more to the equation than it seems. This equation is true if you want to know if a particular guy can be someone potential. But here's when the extra bit comes into the whole equation.

AFFIRMATIVE POTENTIAL GUY = HAPPY + COMFORTABLE (when together with) X 2 WAY TRAFFIC

It takes two hands to clap. Why haven't I remembered! So what if I'm really feeling happy and comfortable and able to be myself with POF? I've tried clapping but he's not voluntarily returning the clap. That's when it is time to let go! Past experiences have taught me to try learn taking it easy 'cause there's really no point getting all upset about. And I didn't even cry over it - tears won't flow out. I'm just numbed. Amazing. But still it had been a great time and lovely memory. 不在乎天长地久,只在乎曾经拥有.对吗?


I think I'm more upset over the fact that I can't find my CDs of photos of the last few years!!!!! All my photos with close friends and family and travels!!!!! Triple sigh. Now that's what I call depressing, more upsetting and heart breaking to think about rather than over some guy. Sigh.

Left or right?

Look at the below image for a minute or 2.
Is she turning clockwise or anticlockwise?

For me, at first glance it was clockwise, then after a minute or more, it began to turn anticlockwise. Then after a moment it's back to clockwise again. Woah, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. But after a period of time, it seems to set turning in the same clockwise direction. But if I were to try concentrate really really really hard I think I can try make it turn anticlockwise. Weird.

Well... An ex-colleague shared this test with me. However the test result is in portuguese. He said he only sees it turning clockwise-anticolckwise-clockwise and had been clockwise ever since, whereas his girlfriend sees it turning antoclockwise only. I tested this out on 2 other colleagues. Both have different results. One sees it turning clockwise only and the other anticlockwise only. Guess it's cool for one to be able to see it turn for both directions.

So what direction is it for you? Post it in my comments! I would love to know.

- TEST RESULT -

PORTUGUESE VERSION
"Supostamente, se você estiver estimulando mais o lado racional do cérebro (o esquerdo) você verá a mulher girando no sentido anti-horário. Caso esteja utilizando mais o lado direito do cérebro, ligado a subjetividade, ela gira no sentido horário."

TRANSLATED VERSION (from dictionary.com)
Supposedly, if you will be stimulating more the rational side of the brain (the left) you you will see the woman turning in the counter-clockwise direction. In case that it is using more the right side of the brain, on the subjectivity, it turns in the clockwise one.

MY TRANLATION FROM ABOVE
Suppose if you see the woman turning anti-clockwise, it stimulates your rational side of the brain (left brain). And if you see it turning clockwise, for most people would, you are using more of the right side of the brain.

---

Test your brain and see how much of a left or right side person are you. For me I'm very balanced, 46% left, 46% right - perhaps that's why I always have the problem of contradicting myself.
http://similarminds.com/brain.html

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

Left and Right brain functions source:
http://www.viewzone.com/bicam.html
- go read or find out more!

giving up

I hate to think that giving up is the better option out!

I do not like to give in to giving up!

lost interest in...

I was briefly catching up with an ex-colleague online. One topic led to another. From him sharing a flat with his girlfriend to his sister giving birth soon to children to relationships.

And so part of the conversation went on like this...

Dan: so on that matter are you still single??
Pea: yep still am and I believe will still be for quite a long while
Dan: that's no good, so haven't met anyone lately then?
Pea: I just got to know a guy but don't think he seems very interested
Dan: that's no good
Pea: this year I got to know a few others but I'm just not interested. I can't seem to bring myself to want to get involve with any guy
Dan: Ang, are you sounding like a possible lesbian... lol
Pea: haha and I'm not interested in women either
Dan: well that's no good... lol... you need something just don't know what
Pea: I need to go to a beach!
Dan: well you'll be going home for your break, so you can show your body off in a bikini at the beach
Pea: yeah I suppose you're right. I don't know what's it I need yet hence why the no interest for now

Guess I'll know when the time is ripe then. I'm still waiting on my vine to ripe. Or you can say the right guy's not come by to sweep me off my feet yet. He'll need a very BIG broom then. hahahaa....

3 years plan

Woo Hoo!!!

I finally received my UK driving license today in the post! (Psst, however my UK license start date is just a day difference from my SG start date, drats, would have been perfect if both had the same date!)

Yippy, now it's time to aim for a car! But first I'll have to clear my debts and spend less and save up for the car!

Well my 3 year plan for now is very simple, just 3 things on the list for now:
1] to own a car in London
2] to be able to speak french fluently (well... at this rate I'm going...)
3] to be able to buy my own property in London

*smirks* Let's all wait and see then. 3 years!

Well I know that last point seems very highly impossible, SO I'm listing this as backup (which shouldn't be too hard):

3] to be able to know how to snowboard!


I'm not being materialistic mind ya. Why I'm aiming for these is because:

1] I want to have my own car to be able to drive to IKEA to buy stuffs that would need the help of a car to bring home. To drive about as and when I like over the weekends mainly. I can drive to the beach. I can make short road trips. It's like a freedom!

2] I took up french because my Switzerland trip early this year motivated me so. I wanted to pick up snowboarding but took up french first so if I were to go to France or Switzerland again I can speak to the people in french. Silly but true.

3] I want a place I can call home in London! No more worrying if I can make holes in the walls just so I can hang mirrors or put up pictures! I can decorate the place however I want it to! This can be considered as a kinda investment too!

and of course:

3] I'll never be able to get a change at snowboarding when I'm back in sunny Singapore, summer all year round. Need I explain more?

Silly things a girl will do for the sun...

What do you know. That girl is me.

London being London and such, for it to have a sunny summer-like weekend is quite a rare sight indeed here in the September months. Not wanting to admit that Summer has abandoned us, I decided to challenge the Sunny Sunday afternoon to give me my well deserved tan! So silly me sat in the back garden clad in a tube dress trying to get my tan. Unfortunately Cold Autumn Wind decided to pay Warm Summer Sun a visit. Both cold and hot under the open sky for an hour ended up with me having the Cold Flu as a guest now.

One of the many silly things I do. I wonder what next...

Annoyance

I'm trying to keep cool and calm myself down; composing myself to look at things positively and telling myself I can do it!

Work is just getting annoying with different people attacking me from both sides, wanting this and that done along side with the tight deadlines juggling in my hands. Is this how it is like out there for everyone else too? Annoying isn't it. I want to get work done but it's simply so hard to concentrate if they keep attacking you. I think I need to come up with a strategy to better cope with this.

First, I'll have to get proper amount of sleep each night! Second, stop working over time and go home and stop thinking about work at home and rest and concentrate on my french homework and other tasks out of work. Third, always keep my cool and try not to get side track by every request! Tsk tsk...

WAR (violence) is NOT the answer

Today I received this email which I thought will be good to share with all.

---

What you are reflects the way you were brought up, therefore Parents and the environment.

Dr. Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi and founder of the M.K.Gandhi Institute for Non-violence, in his June 9 lecture at the University of Puerto Rico, shared the following story:

I was 16 years old and living with my parents at the institute my grandfather had founded 18 miles outside of Durban, South Africa, in the middle of the sugar plantations. We were deep in the country and had no neighbours, so my two sisters and I would always look forward to going to town to visit friends or go to the movies.

One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day conference, and I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my mother gave me a list of groceries she needed and, since I had all day in town, my father asked me to take care of several pending chores, such as getting the car serviced. When I dropped my father off that morning, he said, 'I will meet you here at 5:00 p.m., and we will go home together.'

After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie theatre. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the garage and got the car and hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 6:00.

He anxiously asked me, 'Why were you late?'

I was so ashamed of telling him I was watching a John Wayne western movie that I said, 'The car wasn't ready, so I had to wait,' not realizing that he had already called the garage.

When he caught me in the lie, he said: 'There's something wrong in the way I brought you up that didn't give you the confidence to tell me the truth. In order to figure out where I went wrong with you, I'm going to walk home 18 miles and think about it.'

He dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on mostly unpaved, unlit roads.

I couldn't leave him, so for five-and-a-half hours I drove behind him, watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie that I uttered. I decided then and there that I was never going to lie again.

I often think about that episode and wonder, if he had punished me the way we punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at all. I don't think so. I would have suffered the punishment and gone on doing the same thing. But this single non-violent action was so powerful that it is still as if it happened yesterday.

That is the power of non-violence.

Not gay

I asked the Chestnut today if he was gay.

Chestnut looked at me in shock,"I'm not. Do I look gay to you? Why would you think I am gay?"

Okay, verdict - Chestnut is not gay.

Sometimes I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder...

Why am I here?
What am I doing here for?
What do I want from here?
Why don't I just give up now?

Ain't got a clue yet... I carry on wondering...

Blessings in disguise - Part 2

After waking up from a night of partying to a relaxing Sunday afternoon, I went straight to getting my mirror mounted onto the wall. It now fits nicely behind my shelf. I can see my reflection from the back of the see-through shelf. It's like my mini dressing table-shelf now. I like it!

Remembering I had a dinner invite from my ex-housemates, I got ready and off I went from the South back to the West for a nice rendez-vous at my previous address. It felt kinda surreal to be walking up the ever once so famaliar path. It's nice to be back in the big house with my friends.

We had lotsa food! I drank quite a fair amount of wine too. We even had joints. Tsk tsk...

It was getting late and I wanted to head home given the fact that that would take me an hour, I didn't want to miss my train but I ended up taking half hour just to say my goodbyes. By the time I got to the tube station it was near 11.30pm. Ah ah! This was when I realised... I've left my mobile back at the house! Drats! With haste I made my way back up the surreal path again. Man I must have missed this place! Within record time I was back at the tube station. I managed to get the next overground to Paddington station to change for another tube.

I guess I was too late as the last tube I'm supposed to change to had gone! I was forced to change my route. And by the time I got to my other destination to catch another tube, it had gone too! What luck! It was slightly past midnight and I started to panic as all possible tube route combinations back home had all gone and I didn't know what to do! I swore I nearly cried as I was lost and still stuck in the western bit of London. I was angry with myself for not being able to get myself home and stuffs. Haha, but after finally calming myself down, I tried to be positive and told myself to treat this as a little adventure. It can be rather fun in a way.

Good thing I had my mobile with me and even luckier I had internet on my phone so I can check how to get home online. Thank god I went back to get my phone! Blessing in disguise!

In the end I had to catch 3 different buses just to get home. Good thing Mushroom was online and we both chatted over the phone via skype and that made my journey much more enjoyably bearable though I was really tired. It was great hearing her voice again and chatting together! Another blessing in disguise! It wasn't until 1.30am that I finally got back home! 2 freaking hours! Lesson learnt now. The next time I ever visit my ex-housemates I'll make sure to say my goodbyes earlier. Haha...

Blessings in disguise - Part 1

A quick (to my standards) run through of what a weekend I had part 1 - Saturday's

Ikea's website is like my oxygen, I cannot live without going to it everyday! I had been planning my room's furnishing for the past 3 weeks or more without fail - rain or shine, day or night - ever since I moved. And to think that I had actually wanted to wait for another week before actioning my well thought "interior design" plan. I made sure Ikea had all the stuffs that I wanted in stock with a little research the night before and I made a dash for them once I got to ikea on Saturday on my own. I repeat on my own. Again I repeat on my own. Okay, you've got it. Good. Because on my ikea shopping list I had:

1] 2 seater red sofa (180cm width)
2] bookcase (190cm height)
3] another slightly smaller bookcase (149cm height)
4] TV bench (145cm width)
5] side table that I use as my coffee table (55x55cm)
6] desk (120x60cm)
7] a chair
8] a folding chair
9] rug (195x135cm)
10] mirror (120x40cm)
11] boxes for storage
12] shelf for my wardrobe (100x58cm)

Please don't ask me how much I've spent, I'm still wondering how to repay my credit card's favour. Haha. Anyway, on my own I had to race about Ikea getting them from all over the warehouse. There were so many people. It was mad! Waiting in line at the information helpdesks to get locations for some of my stuffs. Man, shan't go into details of that, I can go on and on about it.

All but one item was what I needed to complete my purchase - the missing shelf for my wardrobe. Ah ha! What I can say is that the out of stock shelf was found on someone else's trolley which had been left alone for ages. There were 2 packages of them, and a guy was by it, so I thought to ask where had he managed to get them from so I could try find it. Then he asked me back if those were mine. I said no but that was what I was looking for, and what do you know, he too. Hahahaha... we are not stealing or nicking, we are just taking what's on our shopping list and putting it onto our own trolley. This is blessing in disguise #1. Blessing in disguise #2 was the red sofa cover for my sofa. I was told they had stock for it then no stock for it and then they had stock for it again. Gee and I queued up thrice for that! Glad I had enough paitence. Even more so true when I had to wait for an hour just so I could get my stuffs delivered home from this other delivery guy offering £5 cheaper delivery service as compared to Ikea's! If I wasn't so skint I wouldn't have had all this paitence.

Here's what I'd planed for my room (the 2nd stage)! The furnitures are not resized to scale. I didn't get the dinning table set in the end, just not worth it. Got another desk and other chairs instead. Thinking of returning the smaller bookcase as there's not much space in my room for it (I miscalculated). Will get the cushions the next time. As for the TV, I'm still saving up for it! Tsk tsk... but I'm loving my red sofa! (I'm sitting on it now as I'm blogging). Woo hoo! It's great to have your own room!

Bed fit for the KING

Shit! I think I bought a king sized bed rather than the intended double (or Queen) sized bed. Could have spent the extra £ on some other furniture.

Damn it! I'm regretting it now! Imagine if I have to move a year later, it's terrible... WHY did I buy a KING sized one!


*CRIES*

July - the month of change

It seems like July's the month for move. Why? I'll name you 4 for now...

- firstly -
Beginning of the month I found out that my fairy tale Prince whom I met in a "ball" in Paris has found his Cinderella in her glass slippers. It would have been truly a sweet fairy tale ending for him and I but snapping back to reality, I'm moving on.

- secondly -
I'm now finally able to treat the chestnut as a friend and hang out with again. The chestnut whom I had once so ever foolishly gone ga ga over and cried my heart out with. Thinking back now, I had been really naive and really really silly and very blind. Though it took me quite a while to put it behind, it's worth it. It's history and I learnt from it.

- thirdly -
Many changes are happening in my current job. We're moving to a new building, we'll have new seating arrangements (can't say that I favour where I've been assigned to sit), we have new team leaders as well as products/projects assigned to us for our primary and secondary roles (which I'm not very particularly happy about!!!).

- forthly -
I'll be moving to south London instead of west London which has been home to me the past 2 years that I've been in the UK. I'm sure gonna miss west London and its greenery badly. But... looking on the bright side! I'm gonna have my own room now! (Yep, I've been sharing a room for my whole life!) And plus point is I can decorate the unfurnished place I'm moving into! YAY! However, I ain't got much to spend. It's gonna take some time to do up my own room. I'm kinda looking forward to it nonetheless. It'll be good to live in and explore another part of London.

brown hair?

I was looking into the mirror and noticed...

My hair used to be jet black, but under the sunlight it seems to be reflecting a brownish tinge.

I looked into my mirror again...

Without the sunlight shinning, it looks black again but not jet black. Somehow my hair has turned a shade or two lighter. I like it this way, I like it brown, dark brown is fine.

Switzerland

Wanting to celebrate my birthday month in style, I decided to join my friend, Brian, in his Switzerland trip. It was a rather last minute thingy for me but I'm really glad I went along on the trip. It was so beautiful there and I fell in love with the snow mountains! And it made me very determind to learn snowboarding too (pity we didn't have the chance to get our feet on skiis and snowboards). I'm gonna sign myself up for French lessons first!

Anyway... we toured Switzerland together travelling about in first class trains, how cool is that! We managed to get the free upgrade from an online promotion. Lucky lucky.

Check Brian's blog out to find out more. He's got many more beautiful photos too!! (YES! I'm very lazy!):
1] I am back from Swiss! I am coughing badly now with...
(I didn't go to Bern, Brian went to Bern first and I met him later on in Geneva)
2] Many photos coming up! After Bern i went to Geneva...
3] The last post of my easter trip! The breathtaking ...

感触

不久后我得再度与你们离别了。。。不到一周的时间我就得飞回英国继续工作了。不知何年才会回访新加坡永久定居叶。（我也不知该如何回答这不一定的未来。）但在新加坡度假这现有期间内，总觉得时间永远是不够的！我连去东海岸玩滑轮的时间都没有呀。

在此所逗留短期间内，我都是忙着与家人及朋友们见面交谈。同时也利用了我的度假来做视力激光矫正手术。忙得不可开交。还有很多事没办完，也还有些朋友们没见面到。哎。天阿！为什么时间总觉得不够吗。

所以我说呀，做人有时要自私一点儿，总得给自己单独的时间，停一下来找自我，办该完成的事物及回想看一看自己所经历的一切。可是时间哪会停留给我那么做吗！还是现实点吧你这个永远自我矛盾的女人！还是好好利用所限有的时间吧！

These are a few of the food I wanna eat back in SG

- peng kang stingray
- nasi padang (includes beef rendang)
- bah chor mee
- rojak
- kway chup
- teochew porridge
- satay
- otak
- wanton mee
- bah ku teh
- satay bee hoon
- hainanese chicken rice
- prawn noodle
- chicken curry
- hokkien mee
- char kway teow
- fish soup
- yu tou mee fen
- curry fish head
- jian dao curry rice
- prawn mee
- pohphia
- roti prata
- kaya toast
- cai beng
- tian ji zhou

Dessert
- ice kachang
- chendol
- cheng teng
- gui ling gao
- bo bo char char
- nyor ya kway

Snow video

My first ever snowing encounter abroad.
How I wish my friends were here to make snowman with me.
Trix, this vid is especially for ya!



Friends tell me it's spring
My window show the same
Without you here the seasons pass me by
I know you were not new
That loved like me and you
All the same I miss you
Today has been ok
Today has been ok

Singlish

Woo hoo.. I can't wait to put my Singlish to use once more this coming Chinese New Year, when I fly home for my holiday! Whoopie!!!

Some Snow updates...

10.30am, London, UK

I'm looking out of the window. It's not stopping since I woke at 7ish am this morning, the snowing of course. *Winks* Beautiful.

11am, London, UK

Yep, it's still snowing....

11.30am, London, UK

I believe that the snowing has ceased. Bummer.

1.30pm, London, UK

No more snowing! I wanted to go snow hunting in St James park but ended up eating Nasi Lemak in a restaurant in China Town area. Nasi lemak wasn't that bad. Tasted not as authentic, but still taste good otherwise. Tsk tsk...

It's actually snowing!

10am, London, UK

OH MY GOD! It's actually snowing in London!

It has been for the past few hours since I awoke. I'm so happy! First in my lifetime to see it snow like there's no tomorrow! And lots of snow about (i.e. where I live; the city area is too hot for them to survive once touch down.)! It's still raining snow outside my office window! Hopefully by lunch time today the snow will still be around for I to get down to St. James Park to make me a snowman or even have snowfights with my colleagues if they want to tag along with this child - me i.e.

I was so excited that I even forgot to bring my packed lunch to work today. It's still sitting in the fridge back home. I was snapping photos away as I walked to the tube station. But it had been quite a chore getting to work with this snow "storm" affecting transportation.

Stay tune for more photos. Hopefully it shall include a snowman. Hee hee...

Let it snow let it snow let it snow...

THAT ONE DAY...

Aaron Kwok

I had a very weird dream this morning! Gee, I've never really like him but somehow he managed to sneak into my dream this morning.

Anyway cutting it brief, I dreamt that I was snuggled up close to Aaron Kwok under the warm blankets (and he was trying to kiss me!!). There we were, trying to fall asleep together. Hee, it felt like so nice - the feeling of just falling asleep together with him comfortably in his embrace, this feeling that none other guy has managed to give by far. However we were not alone! (Now... behave) On the other bed across the room was my grandfather sleeping in his bed! *faints*

Then it ended up we waking up to have breakfast in some sort of funny skyscraper building with apartments within. Blah blah blah...

Wonder what could this imply. Anyone can decode dreams?

Happy New Year!!!

From long to shorter hair...
NEW cut NEW year NEW start
FRESH cut FRESH year FRESH start

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!
May 2007 be a NEW and FRESH year for all!!!

It's gonna be even BETTER!!!!